MY STORY: MASTURBATION (part 1)

                                                                        

Hi, I am 20 yrs old.
I love God & I want to live for Him.
I want to make heaven and i am ready to face any persecution that I can for His sake.
However, there was a thorn that kept poking me and poured guilt on me.
Sometimes, I masturbated.
At a very young age of 5/8 a far relation of mine had started to touch and massage my immature breasts and fingered my tender private part.
When I grew up to realise at the age of 14, i prayed for God's vengeance upon him. He died of an unknown disease.
At the age of 15 or 16, he came to say goodbye to me in my dreams.
At the age of 17/18, I found out where it stated in the bible that :

"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.' Matthew 18:6

Not trying to freak you out, but personally, i think that shows the power of God and how assertive He could be.
Now the story,...
Since i was 16, I was not too sure if masturbation was a sin or not. I asked pastors, n carried out my own researches which somewhat led to a better knowledge of masturbation.
After prayers, I figured out that it is a sin as you see or think about a sexual act before you start carrying it out.
Whenever I carried out this act, i felt devastated. I felt like the worst sinner on earth and most of the times, I just wanted to backslide.
At a certain time, before i turned 17, I was going to commit suicide as i had had enough of life. But then, God gave me reasons to live. Suicide would have led me to hell. But choosing life meant choosing an opportunity to change and be washed and renewed.
God sent someone apart from my family for me to love. This guy supported me and helped me get verrry close to God. The closest i have ever been to Him. We prayed together n he was very encouraging.
At this point, i had stopped masturbating and it barely came across my mind as I always was busy with God or my new friend.
I thought this boy was to stay forever but after much prayers, i guess it was not meant to be at the time. 

(To be continued.)